Emptiness
by WellHeyJessica
Summary: What was Edward's thoughts leaving Bella? Where did he go and what was he thinking during Bella's "death"? Well I'm not the first to do this but it's my first fanfic to be nice and reviews would be nice too!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So my 1st fanfic. I know it seems like a pretty big topic to write about for a first but I'm gonna do it anyways.**

**Disclaimer: of course I don't own twilight the awesome Stephenie Meyer does**

**Emptiness **

I drove down the street not really seeing it at all. Thinking about what I was going to do now was twisting my stomach into painful knots.

Knowing I had to leave Bella, the core of my existence made it even more painful. Realizing that I was the one putting her in constant danger instead of protecting her, like I thought I once was made me come to this decision. Leaving her to normal human life is what she deserved. A vision came into my head then. Bella in her father proud arm, blushed with happiness, in a white dress…. at this point I was focused on not crushing the steering wheel. _It's what she deserves _I thought to myself.

As I thought I made it before her. Which is what I wanted, giving me time to think of right and wrong again.

What was right:

Leave Bella to live a happy life. Have a future and family.

Keep her away from dangerous creatures including me. Who could kill her to easily.

What was wrong:

Stay with Bella during the remainder of her human life. Protecting her from anything.

Make myself happy by doing so

Right and wrong clearly weren't the same things as what I want and what I couldn't bare to live through.

I heard her truck coming then, coming down the street. My stomach twisted into more painful knots again.

I got out of my Volvo once she was out of her ancient truck. I took her back bag and put it back in the truck.

"Come for a walk with me" I suggested. I realized I sounded lifeless. Hoping she didn't notice, I didn't give her a chance to answer my request. I pulled her along with me through the small yard. She seemed confused but willing.

I couldn't wait any longer anymore. I had to tell her now. I can't keep her in danger any longer from my family or myself. I stopped leaned against a tree stared at Bella making sure my face didn't express any emotion.

"Okay let's talk". Bella said this seeming to know that I was about to tell her something important. Well we'll have to see if she does.

Taking a deep breath, burning my throat with her sweet scent in the process, I said "Bella we're leaving". Saying this caused the pain in my body to become more apparent.

Bella also taking a deep breath said "Why now? Another year-"

I cut her off.

"Bella it's time. How much longer could we stay Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless"

I was hoped I sounded convincing to her because I didn't to myself. Seeing her face confirmed that she did think I was convincing. Confusion was the dominant emotion on her face the changed into realization. _What was she thinking?_

"When you say we-" Ahhh she must have misunderstood my words. But what conclusion could she have come to? Instead of pushing my curiosity I just answered her question.

"I mean my family and myself" saying each word distinct and separate. Also, killing my insides.

She was shaking her head as if to clear it. I waited for her answer for a couple of minutes. Wishing insanely as usual to know what she was thinking now.

"Okay I'll come with you" she answered sounding determined.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going …it's not right place for you" I said. Not even sure if that last part was a lie or not.

"Where you are is the right place for me" When she said this it was like she was begging me just to stay. Which I almost gave in. Saying it was a sick joke. Pretend nothing ever happened and to stay forever. Almost.

"I'm no good for you, Bella" that was the only truth I could see I said. But she didn't seem to believe my words.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're the very best part of my life". I almost gave in again. But I know the love she had for me couldn't compare to my love for her

"My world is not for you," I said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" Her words made me wince mentally. Seeing my brother almost kill the one I love…I cleared my head of the anger that was coming and focused on what I was doing now.

"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, promised that you would stay-" Now she was clearly begging. I could barely take this.

"As long as that was best for you," I corrected her reluctantly

"No! This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you –it's yours already!"

I was bewildered by her words not knowing she knew about this. I stared at the ground thinking of a good way to tell her I didn't want her. The pain in my body became almost too much to but somehow I got the words out.

"Bella. I don't want you to come with me" I was watching her face when I said this. Watching how she absorbed this. Her face was blank for a couple of seconds but then became a heartbreaking expression. Pain twisted into her beautiful face. Clearly showing she knew what I was trying to tell her.

"You…don't…want me?" She asked in the most pained voice I ever heard. Seeing this caused the pain in my body to become even more apparent and nearly causing me to give up.

I answered her with the blackest lie I've ever told.

"No"

She was looking into my eyes not sure what she was looking for or what she found there. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Bella broke the silence first.

"Well, that changes things", she said calmly. Her face showed nothing but pain as she said this. How could she believe me already? How many times did I tell her I loved her yet with just one word she thinks I take it all back? I looked into her eyes seeing that she believed I didn't want her. I thought it would take forever to convince her of this.

I looked into the trees so I could hide my expression from her. I knew I must have been letting some emotion on there. She had no idea this was hurting me as much as it was hurting her. Probably even more.

"Of course I'll always love you…in a way"-in the same exact way forever, I corrected mentally"- but what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of being something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human"

Everything I had just said added even more to the black lie. No human could live through the pain inside of me now. Seeing her expression I knew this was going to haunt my memory forever. She had no idea how much I wished to be human with her. I stay forever with her raise a family… I took that thought out of my head as quickly as it had come. I had to strong enough to leave. To hope I could heal in time, but knowing full well that the possibility of this was very little. Seeing she had believed every false word I said I continued.

"I've let this go on much too long and I'm sorry for that", but not sorry towards myself. Spending only a few months have and always will be the best in my existence.

"Don't…don't do this", she whispered. I started to become numb. I had no feeling left in me. I couldn't feel anything. She looked into my eyes to see that I already have done this.

"Your not good for me Bella", she was far to good for me, switching my earlier words around. Her face showed pained agreement. I didn't need my gift to tell me that she thought she wasn't good enough for me. When it was I who wasn't good enough for her. How could she think this?

I waited for her to say something. The agonized pain clearly showed across her features. I kept my face wiped clean of emotion even though I was feeling the exact same thing.

"If…that's you want", she could barely speak. I've seen too much of her pain in one day, to feel anything anymore. I just nodded once. Well knowing that I couldn't speak myself. It felt as if razor sharp blades were stabbing every part of my being. But I unwillingly put it together and attempted to sound as I had before. Just to ask for one thing.

"I would like to ask one favor, if that's not too much", I knew I didn't deserve a favor from her but hopefully she would agree. I saw her face. It was almost too much. I know I revealed pain on my face as well but quickly concealed it before she could see anything.

"Anything", she vowed looking up at me with painful curiosity.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid", I ordered, "do you understand what I'm saying?" if she did as I said then I knew I could make it. Just to know that she's a live somewhere is enough for me. I became tense for her answer to see if she would agree or not.

She nodded. This promise would mean she would keep herself alive. With this I could live a lonely existence but know Bella is still out there.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course he needs you. Take care of yourself-for him". Also for my sanity and myself.

"I will" she nodded truthful. Which slightly relaxed me.

"And I'll make you promise in return", I said, "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You go on with your life without in interference from me. It will be as if I never existed"

This hurt more than anything. Everything I promised to her had been true. The fact that it was true made it even more painful.

I tried smiling but it felt very wrong on my face." Don't worry your human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind ", but for mine it would take much more than time.

"And your memories?" the best of my existence. Not actually saying this I answered her.

"Well"-I hesitated, trying to think of a good lie to explain " I won't forget. But my kind…we're very easily distracted", that wasn't much of a lie but it worked.

Taking a step away reluctantly, letting all numbness come over me I said, "That's everything I suppose we won't bother you again"

Realization came across her face. Mixed with pain and agony. "Alice isn't coming back" not a question but a statement.

Her best friend leaving just added more pain. I shook my head slowly answering her question. Watching her blank face as if she had also become numb to feel anything anymore.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye", I explained

"Alice is gone?" her voice blank with disbelief

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her a clean break would be better for you", I really hoped so. The faster she believed I didn't love her, the faster she would heal.

"Goodbye Bella", the most painful words I've ever said in my existence.

"Wait!" She choked out. She reached out as if to stop me. I was reaching too. I wanted to hold her in my arms and stay like that forever.

But instead I pinned down her wrists to her sides. Settled for a kiss on her forehead.

"Take care of you self," I breathed

Then I was running all the agonized pain coming with me. I wasn't numb anymore. I could feel my stomach being stabbed deep, my dead heart empty. Knowing I was never going to see Bella ever again I began to run faster. Leaving the agonized Bella behind me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: if I owned twilight I wouldn't be writing on here so yea…the awesome Stephenie Meyer does**

Chapter 2

It took me only a few minutes for me to realize I should go back to my car.

While I was running back I realized I wasn't complete. There was nothing in me…I was hallow. My heart has been still for a century but this was very different. It seems as though that my heart wasn't there. Like I left it with Bella. Then I realized Bella had my heart. She would have it as long as I would love her, which would be forever. Once I realized this it took a great impact on me. I nearly fell to the ground because of this impact. I probably would have if it weren't for her mouthwatering scent whirling around me again.

I was at her house now going to my car. But something stopped me. Not physically but like a force was pulling me towards her house.

Instead of fighting it I went along with it, letting it pull me in. I decided I was going to do well on my promise while I was doing this. Knowing most likely she wasn't home I continued in. I went inside towards her room with a plan.

I took the CD I gave her out of her CD player and the tickets my parents gave her, clawed out her floorboards and put it all under them.

It seemed childish to do this but I wanted to leave her with no reminders but leave me a part of me, physically, behind with her, since every part me mentally is with her forever.

I saw the scrapbook her mother had sent her for her birthday. It had 3 pictures that had caught my eye. A picture of me on her birthday, a picture of Charlie and I in the living room and the last was one of us together.

I hoped she didn't notice the changes on my face that I could see very clearly.

I looked empty. Only the thought of leaving Bella did this to me. Now I probably look way worse.

I took the pictures and left them under her floorboards as well. Then put them back without showing any kind of destruction.

I stood there for a minute memorizing everything. Her desk with papers scattered all over it, her abused collection of books, the blue paint of the walls of her room and bed. Where and angel slept in every night.

I left a note in Bella's handwriting for her father if he were to come back before Bella. I came to her room one last time, taking one last long look.

" I will love you forever Isabella Swan"

I knew those words were 100% true never going to be false. I loved her more than anything else in the world using her words from prom many months ago. That memory made it even more painful. Her skin cream and roses against the beautiful blue dress Alice had picked out for her. She would have been perfect if it weren't for the walking cast she was in. Which also brought me back to why I was leaving. It was my fault she was tortured by James but I won't cause anything else anymore.

I had to leave now before I would collapse right in her room. I headed out to my car. Still in agonizing pain as I floored it hoping that the pain would go away as fast as the car was going but I knew that it was no use. I never will heal from this. I shall always feel this _Emptiness _inside of me. Taking every part of my being along with it until I couldn't feel anything.

**So how'd you like it??? Please please please please review I really would like feedback. Yea I know it short but I already have the next chapter written and I don't think its as short. Hopefully it'll be up tomorrow. It is my first fanfic and I really do think I suck at this since I when I read it, it doesn't seem to good to me but you're the readers so please review…. Please :]**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I know I said I would have up a long time ago I'm really sorry but here it is hopefully its good! BTW the movie was amazing!!!! Hope you thought so too! Please review I've only gotten 1 :[**

**Disclaimer: If I owned twilight I wouldn't be here…enough said**

**Chapter 2:**

I went back to the big white house. Intending on going to my room and staying there for the rest of eternity but of course we had to leave and of course my family wouldn't let me pass.

Once I opened the door I felt arms around me. Of course Esme would have sympathy for me. Bella was the thing that completed me and she knew what this would do to me. I didn't my gift to know her thoughts. She saw the changes in me when I first met Bella but now it's like going back 80 years ago when I was hunting criminals.

_I'm so sorry Edward. _I could hear the sincerity even in her mind's voice. She let go of me. I didn't say anything not to be rude but because I wasn't sure if I could anymore. Also, because I didn't want anyone's sympathy since this was my own fault I would always have to suffer for. I just wanted to be alone.

"Edward" Alice said "why would you do this you know it's going to hurt you probably even kill you, not literally but still maybe even kill Bella! Didn't you ever think how this would affect her? She could kill herself! Didn't you ever think of that! I love her too!" she basically yelled at me.

My only response to her was "Bella promised"

She couldn't reply because that's when Carlisle came in from the hospital. Since our story was that a hospital from LA offered him a job we would have to leave right now.

Everyone was sitting on the dining room table now to decide what we were going to do next.

_Damn the kid looks bad…_Emmett thought but that didn't even cover it. _Sorry Edward…_through all of this suffering i forgot about Jasper. He probably feels the anguish in me now. Carlisle was now sitting at the head of the table.

"I'm sorry Edward I truly am but you have chosen this are you sure this is what you want to do Edward?" _Do you think this is the right thing for you and us_ he added

All I knew was that it was best for Bella. I didn't really care for myself anymore.

"Yes" I answered him grimly I knew that I had gone through my decision and stay with it for Bella's sake. But I couldn't stay here anymore. Not with my family where I could hear their thoughts and not when everything like this with 3 pairs of soul mates. That's means more torture watching everyone in love with each other….

"Well we cant stay much longer, I already told the hospital we were leaving immediately so we must go now" Carlisle said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

But I was done. I couldn't stay here anymore. Not when everything was starting to crash done on me. I was about to show my emotions and Jasper was getting worried for what was going through me now as well. But I couldn't show my emotions now, hiding from my family would be better also, so they wouldn't become worried as well.

Alice had a vision then. It was me running through the forest going faster with every second. It didn't take long for her to understand the vision.

_You're leaving _she accused. I could hear sadness and disappointment mixed in her thoughts

"I can't stay here," explained to everyone who didn't know what was going on. " I can't stay here when I'm like this I can't it" I said lifeless. I was hoping everyone understood at this point I felt completely dead…

Everyone stood silent for a moment. They could all hear and see that I only wanted to be with Bella but that was out of the question.

_I'm so sorry son. I'm sorry I don't understand your pain but it is your chice we well not force you to stay_" Carlisle thought with sincerity

" You can go Edward no one is going to stop you especially when your like this…but please come back soon" Alice said. Esme nodded with hurt agreement.

_I'll miss you…_yes I defiantly miss her to but she wasn't the only one. But this is what happens when you love a person you keep endangering.

"Sorry Edward" Jasper said. Feeling the suffering emotions in me now I could hear that he meant it.

" Come back soon bro, we still have our hunting trips" said Emmett. Of course I would miss it is so Emmett trying to lighten the mood. But this is what is hurting me the most. Staying here.

"Come back soon son, we don't want you gone long" Carlisle said _Never think we won't welcome you back _

"The girl wasn't important but I somehow feel sorry for you Edward" Rose spoke for the first time since I came home. I growled. Bella was the most important thing to me. Ever. How could she even think that I would just walk away from this but it's always Rose.

Esme gave me a hug. Hurt by losing a son again, but this time probably for much longer. "Please come back soon" said sobs breaking through her words.

"Goodbye" I said, "I love you". I ran full speed out of the house. Those were the only words I said. I didn't want to feel their sympathy and worry for me anymore. All I wanted was to get away from it all. Get away from everything. Sit alone in the forest, fell nothing hear nothing, see nothing.

I ran as fast as I could, hoping to escape everything. The pain wasn't there anymore. I was just here on the Earth. Nothing mattered anymore I was numb. My heart gone. Everything that I lived for my entire existence was gone now. Nothing could make that false. I had nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys…I wondering how much you hate me by now but I might as well apologized now so yea….I'M SO SORRY! Even though only a couple of people have subscribed to this story it's still something so yea…I know I don't really have a good excuse but I had very serious writer's block and I was so lost to what to write about but yea I'm really sorry! So here's chapter sorry it's so short **

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I came to a stop somewhere in Canada, Vancouver from the looks of my surroundings. I wasn't sure but I didn't care I wanted to be just somewhere alone. I stopped not of tiredness of course but I just couldn't go on anymore.

I was on the verge of collapsing many times today but with no one around in the forest I didn't stop myself this time nor did anyone else this time.

I fell to the ground and pulled me knees to my chest letting it all crash down on me now. I was past being numb. I felt so lifeless right now. I felt like I couldn't do anything anymore. I just lied there until it finally hit me.

I would never see Bella Swan ever again. She would never love me again after this. I left her with so much pain that it would most likely cause her to hate me. If I deserved anything anymore it would only be her hatred. Though the thought of it caused me to scream with agony into the ground it was so very true.

I caused everything that has happened to her ever since she came to Forks. But she didn't deserve any of it. None of the pain James had put her through or any of the dangers my family kept putting on her either. She deserved so much more than a monster that kept putting her in danger. She should just realize that I was ruining her life and I should be nothing to her.

All this and more had finally taken its toll on me. I began to tearlessly sob into the ground. All the while I was crying and wailing into the ground and forest of my agonizingly painful epiphany.

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I stayed like this for many days, week's maybe. I wasn't keeping track of time. I didn't know the date or anything. I rarely hunted anymore only if an animal happened to pass by.

Time passed by and even doe I told Bella that time would help her heal it wasn't true at all. It seemed as though I was getting more depressed especially without my family but I couldn't go back to them. Seeing me like this will probably cause them to question my sanity. Not to mention how worried they would get as well.

I didn't know how much time had passed but it felt like an eternity. I was mostly useless. I would do anything. I never ever left the same spot I collapsed in.

Thinking about Bella became more difficult every day. I thought it would have been the opposite. But of course anything that had to do with Bella just tortured me.

Thinking about her also brought back the memories of the dangers I put her through. From the first day in biology when I nearly killed her in class to when James decided to come and have "fun" with a challenge. And with the help of that women Victoria.

Thinking about that feline women suddenly enraged me. She tired to _kill_ Bella. She tired to kill the reason for my tired to kill the most important thing to me. She tried to take that away from me so i cold suffer for the rest of eternity (though right now would me a perfect example of how she succeeded in a different way) I could not just let her run away. Though she didn't succeed I wouldn't give her the chance to try again.

Victoria was going to die. Very soon.


End file.
